TGIF

Seriously, TGIF. This week has been an asskicker in all forms. My body is wondering what the hell I'm doing to it with apples, bananas, and running machines. I just know it's in revolt. Luckily, I've been fueling it with my normal dinner foods so it doesn't go into total shock.

Work has been a little stressful. My boss took us out to the farmer's market for lunch (sausage, mmmm!), which I know is her way of decompressing a little.

Tonight is the last night of Chanukah, and I'm celebrating in style. Well, celbrating with matzo ball soup, latkes, and challah bread. I'm going over to a friend's place tonight to enjoy said dinner, and I'm gonna pick up some gelt for the kiddos.

This time of year has it's pleasures and sadnesses for me. I love the cold, crisp weather, and boy do I just love getting good presents. But this time of year always reminds me how far I am from my family. It's not that I so much long to be with them, because after a few days I tend to go bonkers. It's more that I wish for a more "family" celebration. The bf has so much family around here...a huge, wonderful family. The problem is that he doesn't talk to them. He is very stubborn and insists that xmas is spent with him and his mom. I'm Jewish, so christmas was never really a big deal for me, but if I am going to celebrate it, I want to do it big time...with lots of people around!

The above situation is the actual crux (did I use that word right? sounded right)of the bf situation. I'm pretty family driven. As I've gotten older, I appreciate family more than ever, and maybe it's my clock, but I've even thought about little ones of my own. I have never really been interested in having kids, but I realize that you can't fight biology sometimes, and this is just where I'm at. The bf is not interested in a family of his own...at all. I imagined us getting old and grey, and having no family around. That thought is unbelievably depressing to me. As he went on to talk about how disgusting kids were and how much he hated them, it actually hurt my heart to listen. I told him to stop because I didn't need an explanation as to why. But, just knowing that he doesn't is a little heartbreaking. I know if I stay with him too long and become too old to have children, I will hate him for the rest of my life. I told him that. He agreed.

I think when I move, I'm going to take a relationship hiatus. I may have already said this in prior post, but this blog is for me, so I'm reinforcing myself here. Moving to a new place will most likely make me a bit vulnerable I imagine. At the first chance of a relationship, I'll want to hop on board and immerse myself. So, I'm going to *try*, I mean make a real attempt here, to not jump into anything when I move. To give myself a well needed break and the opportunity to find my own friends and activities before I give myself away to another. I also want some time to have fun, and not worry about taking care of another human for a bit. I'll worry about my own dinner for awhile. The biggest thing is that I want to get strong. Mentally and emotionally strong. I want to be able to recognize a bad situation and get out of it. I want to be unavailable to someone and have them chase me for a bit. I want a lot of things, but taking a relationship break will be necessary for me. We'll see how I feel after a month of flying solo though!

Yesterday was again a productive gym day. I look forward to going to the gym now. I have my zebra gym bag in the car, packed with pants, a shirt, shoes, and a towel, so there are no excuses for me! But, I haven't had to make any excuses. Gym+blogging have been a huge stress reliever for me. Now if only my boss would toss me a nice holiday bonus....