Kittens, burritos, and a good sweat

My good friend called me this morning. She wanted to go kitty shopping. I happily obliged as I have a warm, fuzzy spot for kittens in my heart. We went to the Humane Society, and wow, these animals are treated very well! I was glad to see all the toys, space, and clean living spaces these animals get to enjoy. It made me burn inside to have a kitty to call my own. I think kitty shopping will be a top priority after the move. Unfortunately, my friend did not find the kitty of her dreams, but we will continue our quest for the Mr./Ms. Right Kitty.

We then hit one of my favorite breakfast joints around town. The place is always buzzing with people. The portions are generous and the food is comforting and delicious. I was quite pleased with my breakfast burrito, smothered in sour cream goodness, hash browns, bacon, and eggs. Gym, who?

After the glorious breakfast, I got a text from my newfound gym buddy. Gym time was on. Goodbye sweet sour cream and hashbrowns, hello six pack...maybe. I had myself a good sweat at the gym and wore my cute cupcake tank top and shiny purple pants. Who am I kidding? I was actually in my pajamas, but it was a huge step up from the prior's day depressing outfit of huge tee shirt and soccer shorts.

Tonight another friend is picking me up to go to a show in the city. She has free passes, and I reaped the benefits. Score for me!

I went to Whole Foods in between adventures to pick up some food (and a carrot, orange, ginger juice, thank you very much). I saw the bf and we went outside for a smoke. He told me he was having birthday dinner this Thursday. I asked whose birthday it was. He repeated again, "I'm having birthday dinner this Thursday." My brain wasn't computing. He told me one of his coworkers was taking him out for dinner. Fine, who? Turns out it is this girl who has a huge crush on him. This is also the girl that he said he would date if we broke up. Strangely, I felt no twinge of jealousy. In fact, I felt a little happy for him. Like seeing a best friend finally going on a date with a nice girl.

"Woah", I thought. This was my bf, not a buddy. It hit me then, that I really am just not into the relationship, at all. I would love nothing more than to see him happy with a girl who can make him happy. Someone who can give him the things that I just don't want to give to him anymore. This is not a sad revelation, just a real honest perspective. It also made me really want to talk to him. To tell him it's ok if he goes on a date or has feelings for someone else. I realize how weird that sounds to want to tell your significant other that, but that's what's happening in this old noggin of mine.

I have heard women say that they just aren't in a good space for a relationship. You never hear men say that crap, but that's a different blog. I always thought it was a bunch of hooey really. I mean how can someone NOT be in a good mental space fore a relationship. Well, I get it now. I really do get it. As, I think of pushing full throttle through school, and my measly goals of losing weight, quitting smoking, and moving, I wonder how much there is left of me to "give" to another person. Not much really!

I also have not been truly single in nearly 10 years. I spent my entire 20's in serial monogamous relationships, without giving myself any downtime. I kinda want to be single for awhile, and enjoy adventures without having to worry about someone else. I have forgotten how to be alone, and I'm sure not many people CHOOSE to be alone, but for me, it's mysterious and inviting. Maybe even...go on casual dates? Lord, I don't know even know how to date. All of my relationships have sort of just...fallen into my lap.

But I digress, I get the mental space thing about relationships now. I really do! I want to go kayaking, and watch stupid girl movies.

Oh, looks like my concert date is here. Gotta jet!