I ditched class again. Oh it feels good to be so bad. Well, it feels good to relax after several nights of severe sneezing and water eyes. Allergies, will you ever leave me alone? But, really, I've missed now a total of 3 classes. Considering my full-time school load, I think that's not too shabby of a record. Two more weeks until the close of the semester. It's hard to believe how quickly this all went by. When I started my blog back in December, the days were crawling by so slowly that I didn't know how I would make it to the summer. But, here I am, and I survived it!
Work has become a drag as I dream of lazy rivers and sunny days ahead. I find myself spacing out, and I think I even got busted surfing the net at work. Mind you, I take about 15 minute lunches and rarely take breaks, so I feel no remorse at taking some time out to check emails and check out the latest Facebook happenings. But really, I am getting more resentful with each passing moment I sit behind that desk. Today was not all lost -- I did get a response to my resume, wowie!
I've been talking a lot to my cute little niece and nephew. A part of me feels a bit of sadness that I missed out on so much of their lives being so far from them. But, I know deep in my heart how miserable of a person I would be if I had never taken the risk of moving out west, which I believe has served an amazing purpose in my life. But, we have been having animated chats about NYC, Philly, and Atlantic City -- all of which will be in close proximity to me in just over a month. My nephew, who is an adventure bug much like his aunt, is enchanted with the idea of exploring new terrain.
I skipped class yesterday as well. Instead I went over the UPS store to get estimates on shipping boxes. I was happily surprised to find out how cheap it would be to mail some of my boxes. My mother suggested to dump everything that won't fit in my car, but I can't bring myself to part with certain things. I then purchased some boxes and proceeded to start packing several more boxes. I piled the heavy boxes into my car and realized how silly it was that I have to hide my moving boxes out of respect for the ex. I knew this needed to be addressed and quickly because I just wouldn't have enough space in my car soon. So last night as we were watching some t.v., and after I yelled at him in annoyance for constantly talking over my show (I mean really, who does that?), he asked me a question that I was not ready for.
Now gentle readers, this might leave the g-rated zone (but only going for PG-13 from here) for several minutes, so if sexual talk makes you feel icky sticky inside, please discontinue reading from hereon. So, he asked me if the reason I don't let him touch me or kiss me anymore is because I just don't like him. I was startled for a moment before I could answer. Because the answer is a resounding, YES, OF COURSE, DUH, HELLO! But, as I looked at him, I couldn't bring myself to say what I was really thinking -- that I am just not sexually into him anymore. That I'd rather say hello to my trusty vibrating dolphin friend than be intimate with him. But, as I looked at him and thought of how much I'd been hurt by insensitive pricks in my late teens and early 20's, I couldn't bring myself to pass on that kind of pain. He doesn't deserve that kind of pain. So, I lied. I lied big time. I told him that it was just too hard with everything that was going on. He told me how relieved he was because he thought I just wasn't into him anymore.
As he breathed a sigh of relief, I stared at a spot on the wall, wondering how to not be a heartless frost queen. The frost queen reared her ugly head against my willpower, and I told him that I thought he was not in touch with the reality that I was really leaving. I told him I needed to pack, and out of respect I wasn't keeping boxes in the apartment, but that it wasn't really a reasonable way to do things. He got dodgy with me and told me my boxes weren't his problem and he just didn't want to see them. After more prodding, we agreed that the boxes would stay in the apartment, but I'd cover them up with a blanket. Sounds like a decent compromise.
My nephew asked me tonight about how I felt about the move. What an intuitive and sensitive fellow he has become. I told him that I felt a mixture of sadness, happiness, excitement, nervousness, but that it really depended on the moment. I told him that I was excited to be much closer to the family, and I hope I get to take that train to Colorado with my nephew as I've promised him.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Stop, rewind, start again...
I could use a redo of today. Today was one of the more brutal ass woopings I have endured as of late. The wooping proceedings commenced this morning with my daily dose of allergy attacks. Half asleep with a puffed face, I dragged myself into work, wishing I could just call in. That is the worst part of working with a sole practitioner--the guilt factor with a sick call. I grudgingly dragged myself into work and all was well until sometime in the late afternoon.
With the constant aggravation of being interrupted while in the middle of projects, my boss consistently badgered me with question after question. Questions that could easily have been answered without screaming questions at me. Questions that would take her about 2 seconds to figure out, but are better directed at me while in the midst of large piles of work to do. At one point, my hole puncher got filled up with little white dots of paper. You know, those annoying dots that litter the floor. Well, those dots make me fucking insane. I need a very neat work space in order to function, and white dots on the floor really bother me. So, I started picking them up. My boss gives me a dirty look and tells me to stop; that we have bills to do. More questions to be answered, more annoyances. I told her I was only one person. She told me she knew. She then continued to badger/micro-manage me to the point where I had to tell her she was making me crazy. I told her that since I don't smoke anymore, sometimes doing some mind numbing thing like picking up white dots off the floor helps me clear my head. Especially since I don't even take real breaks anymore. I got teary eyed and almost burst into tears as I tried to explain this to her. I was so angry and frustrated by this point that I couldn't control it.
After blowing up at her, I apologized. I told her I was stressed from the move, school, and all these huge work projects. She really has been piling me up lately, and I'm on the downward slope to Idontcareanymore land.
I cried on the car ride to school, and did what any upset girl would do. I called my mommy. I called her and cried, and I bitched, and I moaned and groaned. I let it all out with Momz and she was pretty great. By the time I was done talking to my mom, I felt worlds better. I went to grab some dinner in the food court and all was well.........until....
I hopped in the elevator to go to Floor 6. At Floor 1, the already somewhat full elevator stopped, and people started piling in. Not a normal crowd, but so many people that I couldn't even breathe. I hate elevators to begin with, and with the history of the elevators getting stuck and the already strange creakings I was hearing, I went into panic mode. I told everyone I was getting off the elevator, and I elbowed my way through the crowd. There must have been at least 15 people on that elevator. )The security guard later told me the max is 8.) So, I hop off to see a large crowd of people forming a line at the elevators. There are 6 (or 4) elevators, and apparently they all stopped working. As I breathed a sigh of relief that I jumped ship just in time, the line grew larger and larger. After about 15 minutes of waiting, the security guard finally unlocked the doors and let us go up the stairs. 6 flights for me, thank you.
Class went smoothly for the most part. There is one very loud girl who sometimes joins our night class. After the day I had, I was in no mood for her obnoxious ass. I was aggro on her several times in the class, and though it's not normally my style to call people out like that, tonight was a good night for it. I just wasn't in the mood.
So, now I'm home, with a minor headache. Ready for a hot shower and some Indiana Jones. Also, my boss will be on Dr. Phil tomorrow as a legal consultant. So if anyone is interested...should be interesting, but expect to feel pretty depressed afterwards!
With the constant aggravation of being interrupted while in the middle of projects, my boss consistently badgered me with question after question. Questions that could easily have been answered without screaming questions at me. Questions that would take her about 2 seconds to figure out, but are better directed at me while in the midst of large piles of work to do. At one point, my hole puncher got filled up with little white dots of paper. You know, those annoying dots that litter the floor. Well, those dots make me fucking insane. I need a very neat work space in order to function, and white dots on the floor really bother me. So, I started picking them up. My boss gives me a dirty look and tells me to stop; that we have bills to do. More questions to be answered, more annoyances. I told her I was only one person. She told me she knew. She then continued to badger/micro-manage me to the point where I had to tell her she was making me crazy. I told her that since I don't smoke anymore, sometimes doing some mind numbing thing like picking up white dots off the floor helps me clear my head. Especially since I don't even take real breaks anymore. I got teary eyed and almost burst into tears as I tried to explain this to her. I was so angry and frustrated by this point that I couldn't control it.
After blowing up at her, I apologized. I told her I was stressed from the move, school, and all these huge work projects. She really has been piling me up lately, and I'm on the downward slope to Idontcareanymore land.
I cried on the car ride to school, and did what any upset girl would do. I called my mommy. I called her and cried, and I bitched, and I moaned and groaned. I let it all out with Momz and she was pretty great. By the time I was done talking to my mom, I felt worlds better. I went to grab some dinner in the food court and all was well.........until....
I hopped in the elevator to go to Floor 6. At Floor 1, the already somewhat full elevator stopped, and people started piling in. Not a normal crowd, but so many people that I couldn't even breathe. I hate elevators to begin with, and with the history of the elevators getting stuck and the already strange creakings I was hearing, I went into panic mode. I told everyone I was getting off the elevator, and I elbowed my way through the crowd. There must have been at least 15 people on that elevator. )The security guard later told me the max is 8.) So, I hop off to see a large crowd of people forming a line at the elevators. There are 6 (or 4) elevators, and apparently they all stopped working. As I breathed a sigh of relief that I jumped ship just in time, the line grew larger and larger. After about 15 minutes of waiting, the security guard finally unlocked the doors and let us go up the stairs. 6 flights for me, thank you.
Class went smoothly for the most part. There is one very loud girl who sometimes joins our night class. After the day I had, I was in no mood for her obnoxious ass. I was aggro on her several times in the class, and though it's not normally my style to call people out like that, tonight was a good night for it. I just wasn't in the mood.
So, now I'm home, with a minor headache. Ready for a hot shower and some Indiana Jones. Also, my boss will be on Dr. Phil tomorrow as a legal consultant. So if anyone is interested...should be interesting, but expect to feel pretty depressed afterwards!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Chick'n
So tonight, I have to say, I had one of the most simple, most yummy meals I've had in awhile. Before I salivate all over the keyboard, no worries, I will share.
Shred up a rotisserie chicken. Mix with Daddy Sam's BBQ sauce. Put a slice of provolone cheese, your favorite coleslaw mix, and slather BBQ chicken on the bun. Eat with salad. Bam!
The weather has been pretty cruddy lately. I'm typically not a sunshine kind of gal, but I find myself craving some sunshine. I have a mental image of me resting on a lounge chair beside a pool. A very large margarita in my hand. Sounds like bliss to me. I spent entirely too much money on some summer clothes yesterday. It's been so long since I've owned shorts, I hope my white legs don't revolt from the sudden change. I did end up enjoying an amazing Thai dish with my buddy. Thanks for the treat buddy!
I went to the gym yesterday and today. There is a very creepy man who I have seen several times now. I don't dress cute for the gym. I usually look like I rolled right out of bed, which is fair since I wear pajamas to the gym. But this one guy, stares at my chest in such a lecherous way, that I leave just to avoid him. He gives me the creepy vibes for sure.
I finally get to file my income taxes this Thursday. I'm getting money back, so I've been desperately wanting to file, but for reasons not for the public of this blog, I could not. I'm actually excited to file my taxes this year. Thank you education tax credit. Obama was that you? Once I get my taxes, I will feel a much needed sense of financial relief. With my tax money, I will be right where I want to be, and won't be so worried.
This weekend was mostly non-eventful. I suppose I should enjoy this time because things are going to get really wild in about a month and a half.
Shred up a rotisserie chicken. Mix with Daddy Sam's BBQ sauce. Put a slice of provolone cheese, your favorite coleslaw mix, and slather BBQ chicken on the bun. Eat with salad. Bam!
The weather has been pretty cruddy lately. I'm typically not a sunshine kind of gal, but I find myself craving some sunshine. I have a mental image of me resting on a lounge chair beside a pool. A very large margarita in my hand. Sounds like bliss to me. I spent entirely too much money on some summer clothes yesterday. It's been so long since I've owned shorts, I hope my white legs don't revolt from the sudden change. I did end up enjoying an amazing Thai dish with my buddy. Thanks for the treat buddy!
I went to the gym yesterday and today. There is a very creepy man who I have seen several times now. I don't dress cute for the gym. I usually look like I rolled right out of bed, which is fair since I wear pajamas to the gym. But this one guy, stares at my chest in such a lecherous way, that I leave just to avoid him. He gives me the creepy vibes for sure.
I finally get to file my income taxes this Thursday. I'm getting money back, so I've been desperately wanting to file, but for reasons not for the public of this blog, I could not. I'm actually excited to file my taxes this year. Thank you education tax credit. Obama was that you? Once I get my taxes, I will feel a much needed sense of financial relief. With my tax money, I will be right where I want to be, and won't be so worried.
This weekend was mostly non-eventful. I suppose I should enjoy this time because things are going to get really wild in about a month and a half.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A quickie
At the urging of a couple of friends, I am back to the blog! I feel my neglect of blogging is a good sign that life is keeping me busy, and that there just isn't much to bitch about, since this blog is mostly used for venting, bitching, pointing fingers, and screaming.
The quickies..
School. Almost flippin' done! Praise Jesus, Allah, and Moses. Thank you financial aid that will soon cover me in unmanageable debt. Thank you boss for letting me leave work early to go to school. And, finally, I would like to thank my car, for being such a trooper and getting me where I need to go. But, really, this is such a huge accomplishment for me. Four classes has been extremely rough. I've lost my temper, I've yelled at people I love, I've eaten my weight in chocolate...but it's all drawing to a close. I have just a little over a month left, and my program will be complete! This semester has been hell for me mentally, and financially. The amount of work piled on me by my sadistic teacher has been unreal. And the parking, bridge toll, gas, and dinner three nights a week has been brutal!
Home. Oh home. You never change, do you? Feeling really weird and awkward a lot. Happy I go to school all the time or have my head buried in textbooks and papers. The bf's mom isn't talking to me anymore, and I was defriended on Facebook by her. Sadly, this was not my only defriending this past month. Remember one of my options way back when? Well, I'm very happy I didn't take that option, because I'm not thrilled with that option for defriending me, so she can suck it!
Smoking. I had one cigarette at a party a few weeks ago. I felt like an addict seeking out the person I knew who had the smokes I liked. I followed him until he hooked me up with a fix, but it's fair since I have fed his addiction on many occasions. Sounds worse in writing. But, I had my one and I've been fine. It's been almost three months (feels like years), and some days I still find myself inhaling in, but it's gotten much, much better.
Move. The move! It's making me insanely happy at this point. My roommates seem fantastic, and the timing of their other roomie leaving couldn't be better. They have two very large dogs, two cats, and a lizard, which sounds to me like they can't possibly be too uptight. The family trip is planned, and I'm actually having fun with the sister I don't normally get along with as we plan for adventures in NYC and Philly. I'm talking to that boy up there again, and it feels great to be able to enjoy talking to him again, but without the pressure this time. I also do not want to work for at least a month, and let myself decompress after all the big shifting. Might get an August visit from a very special, longtime friend.
Working out. Oh this one has majorly slipped. I can't do it all, ok? The quitting smoking has countered my weight loss efforts in a very sad way. I know it's unavoidable to gain the after quitting weight, but damn, it's getting to be summertime, and I wouldn't mind looking hot in a bathing suit. My friend is on a no sugar diet and lost 35 pounds. My boss is on a cabbage soup diet. Am I going to have to diet to really drop the weight, or maybe I'm just happy complaining about it like the rest of America. Either way, I'll get to you eventually pesky jelly rolls, and when I do, you better watch your ass.
Movies. I'm giving movies its own category, because I've been loving on the new ones lately. Just saw Clash of the Titans, and before all purists scream bloody murder, I enjoyed it for the pure entertainment value. Hades looked amazing. Olympus was gorgeous. Medusa was not scary enough. Bla bla. The original always will hold a special place in my heart, but movies are just not made like that anymore people! Let's stop being elitists about it. Hot tub Time Machine, you are next up. John Cusack movies are fabulous no matter how bad they are. Are there any bad John Cusacks? And, I'm jumping the gun here, but TRON Legacy! Why torture me with the ads...DECEMBER?? So very much looking forward to that.
Time to catch up on some cartoons and then to the gym!
The quickies..
School. Almost flippin' done! Praise Jesus, Allah, and Moses. Thank you financial aid that will soon cover me in unmanageable debt. Thank you boss for letting me leave work early to go to school. And, finally, I would like to thank my car, for being such a trooper and getting me where I need to go. But, really, this is such a huge accomplishment for me. Four classes has been extremely rough. I've lost my temper, I've yelled at people I love, I've eaten my weight in chocolate...but it's all drawing to a close. I have just a little over a month left, and my program will be complete! This semester has been hell for me mentally, and financially. The amount of work piled on me by my sadistic teacher has been unreal. And the parking, bridge toll, gas, and dinner three nights a week has been brutal!
Home. Oh home. You never change, do you? Feeling really weird and awkward a lot. Happy I go to school all the time or have my head buried in textbooks and papers. The bf's mom isn't talking to me anymore, and I was defriended on Facebook by her. Sadly, this was not my only defriending this past month. Remember one of my options way back when? Well, I'm very happy I didn't take that option, because I'm not thrilled with that option for defriending me, so she can suck it!
Smoking. I had one cigarette at a party a few weeks ago. I felt like an addict seeking out the person I knew who had the smokes I liked. I followed him until he hooked me up with a fix, but it's fair since I have fed his addiction on many occasions. Sounds worse in writing. But, I had my one and I've been fine. It's been almost three months (feels like years), and some days I still find myself inhaling in, but it's gotten much, much better.
Move. The move! It's making me insanely happy at this point. My roommates seem fantastic, and the timing of their other roomie leaving couldn't be better. They have two very large dogs, two cats, and a lizard, which sounds to me like they can't possibly be too uptight. The family trip is planned, and I'm actually having fun with the sister I don't normally get along with as we plan for adventures in NYC and Philly. I'm talking to that boy up there again, and it feels great to be able to enjoy talking to him again, but without the pressure this time. I also do not want to work for at least a month, and let myself decompress after all the big shifting. Might get an August visit from a very special, longtime friend.
Working out. Oh this one has majorly slipped. I can't do it all, ok? The quitting smoking has countered my weight loss efforts in a very sad way. I know it's unavoidable to gain the after quitting weight, but damn, it's getting to be summertime, and I wouldn't mind looking hot in a bathing suit. My friend is on a no sugar diet and lost 35 pounds. My boss is on a cabbage soup diet. Am I going to have to diet to really drop the weight, or maybe I'm just happy complaining about it like the rest of America. Either way, I'll get to you eventually pesky jelly rolls, and when I do, you better watch your ass.
Movies. I'm giving movies its own category, because I've been loving on the new ones lately. Just saw Clash of the Titans, and before all purists scream bloody murder, I enjoyed it for the pure entertainment value. Hades looked amazing. Olympus was gorgeous. Medusa was not scary enough. Bla bla. The original always will hold a special place in my heart, but movies are just not made like that anymore people! Let's stop being elitists about it. Hot tub Time Machine, you are next up. John Cusack movies are fabulous no matter how bad they are. Are there any bad John Cusacks? And, I'm jumping the gun here, but TRON Legacy! Why torture me with the ads...DECEMBER?? So very much looking forward to that.
Time to catch up on some cartoons and then to the gym!
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