Screamin'

Yesterday was by far the worst day of quitting cigarettes hell. I did something I have never done before -- I started screaming. I mean just wailing and screaming in my car, with my white knuckles clutching the steering wheel. As Against Me! screamed of being an anarchist, I screamed of the pain of withdrawal. The singer and I screamed in pain together, albeit completely different types of pain.

As I walked to campus, I called a friend who has been smoke-free for 6 months. She was not there, but her amazing partner answered and cooed and soothed me over the phone, letting me know that the pain I was feeling was normal and expected. I felt the blood rushing from my head back down and up again as she was talking. Finally, I felt calm enough to get into the elevator for class. Mind you, as soon as I hop in an elevator all thoughts turn to earthquakes and an escape plan. God, please let me be on the other coast before a big one hits here.

After class, I went to the gym. The scale said I gained weight again, that bastard. I was not happy with that at all, so I ran my little heart out on the machine. It was really late by this point, and I couldn't do the weights.

The week has gone by like a whirlwind, yet it feels like the longest week I've had in a long time. It's so strange. I love the probate teacher. I listened to his voice, and immediately fell in love with this man. He was from where I want to move, I just knew it. When he told us the expectations for class and ended with a "Capeesh?" I needed to know where my new lover/professor was from. So, like the fool that I am, I went straight up to him and asked if he was from **. He laughed and told me I hit it right on the head. I told him I wanted to move there. So, now I have the ball rolling. Maybe teacher can hook me up with contact when I move.

Had an amazing sex dream last night. It's been a long time, since I've had one of those. Just straight up..it was a great way to start off my morning. Now, I'm off for a physical with Doc and then in for a full day of work.