Champagne kisses and cavier dreams

I'm not a big drinker. I like a beer once in awhile at a bar. I like a fancy cocktail at a nice restaurant. I like a shot of vodka at a party with friends. But, I don't like to sit at home and drink. I don't drink because I like the flavor. I drink to get a little tipsy and loosen up.

Now, the bf on the other hand, likes his booze. Not that he's an alcoholic, but he likes his beer, champagne, and wine. He always gets all over for me for not drinking with him. I just don't see the hook on sitting at home and drinking with just him. Not fun to me. Sometimes a little wine with dinner. I can enjoy wine, but in all honesty, it doesn't taste *good* to me. To the dismay of bay area winos, I chug it. I chug my wine, and no I don't sniff, swirl, and discuss the slight notes of ceder and chocolate. I drink to get drunk, not for leisure.

So last night after popping my lasagne in the oven, our neighbor/friend came over. He brought over some beers and offered me one. I said sure. I got the stinkeye from the bf, and he made a nasty comment about how I won't drink with him, but when there is someone over, I will drink with them. So then starts the pissing match.

I ended up having some of the beer, but not really enjoying it because I knew I would hear it from the bf. Absolutely ridiculous. As soon as the friend left, I got blasted for never drinking with him, but having a beer when a friend comes over. He said I have some "weird" thing with him, and he's getting used to the "new me."

Maybe he's a little right in that I don't sit around and drink with him. I really don't. It is just not a good time for me. I suppo0se one should be able to have a drink at their home with their significant other without hangups. I don't know what the deal is with that, but him making rude comments sure doesn't help. Moments like that make me feel like a prisoner. I greatly value my freedom. Not just the freedom of speech and the like, but real freedom to say "f this, I don't like this, I'm out." I can't do that right now. I can't leave even though I would love nothing more than to pack my belongings and bid this place adieu.

That blasted school is holding me captive for one more semester. Again, I am thankful that I have the time now not to rush my move, but I can be pretty impulsive, so things holding me down and anchoring me make me feel resentful. However, I know the beer fight was a passing moment, and that once I finish school, I will feel free again, and ready to conquer the world.

My teacher said any law firm would be lucky to have me. So, I took his edits from my resume and updated my Monster resume. I took out that I was relocating this summer and just put in Paralegal/Legal Assistant. I wonder if I will get more bites. As of today, I had 3 views of my resume, and much email spam about fake employers and jobs.

My friend K made it to Colorado. She is a bit of a hero of mine. I watched her the past few months struggling with her living situation, school, finances, and emotions about her move. I see her path as the one I'm about to embark on, blazing the trail for me. And, she is now there. I am thrilled for her, and I know how emotionally and physically hard it can be to do this.

Moving in itself is rough, but moving when you are emotionally intertwined with another, and the move is severing that connection, makes it 100x more difficult in my opinion. Take that with moving to a new place, with knowing a sprinkle of people, and there is the setting for a good and proper anxiety attack. But they say there is no great reward with out great risk, don't they? Whoever "they" are.

I had a good chat with one of my old gaming buddies on Facebook yesterday. We talked about humans, and had a fun discussion on the needs, desires, and expressions of people. He might be going on his own adventure in a year, and I hope he does it, because it's one of the greatest feelings. I told him I thought all humans were basically the same, but had very different means of expression. This got me thinking about how some people are "head" people. Like, so much of the world happens in their head. It's expressed through writing, arts, and crafts. Some people don't ever like to get into deep discussions, and just prefer skating on the surface and not getting into depth about things. I think it's pretty darn interesting. I wonder if this means for me that I should find another head person to be with (because I think I am one) or find an ice skater? Maybe I just want to ice skate for awhile and enjoy the sensation.

The ironic thing about me wanting to leave is that nearly 7 years ago, I moved from FL to CA for love. I had such feelings of empowerment, excitement, wonder, and freedom that new home would bring me. Now, I feel like a prisoner in that place. Is that irony or coincidence? George Carlin would be tossing in his grave if I used irony wrong.

I would not take back or change anything that has happened since I've moved. I learned how to truly love someone. I have had life changing careers, and I have met amazing people. I've taken classes at the culinary institute, found the wonders of sewing and making jewelery. I'm almost finished with school (again). I have found myself in a way I never thought possible. I have no regrets about anything, and I would do it exactly the same way if given another chance. Doing the FL to CA move made the world seem a much smaller place, and opened up the latent adventure seeker in me. I am forever grateful for that experience. I hope that my next moving experience can provide me with such great memories and experiences.

My apple is now devoured. I'm finding that eating apples everyday is making my skin feel nice. It could be the Mt. Shasta creamy soap I'm using, but I'm betting the apples are helping me out with a little. On that apple note, I'm going to head out to my new favorite hang spot...the gym. I watched a movie at the gym yesterday with Gregory Peck and he was a lawyer gone dishwasher in the old west. He was teaching people how to read, and there was an issue about voting. I missed the beginning to really figure out what was going on. Anyone know this movie?