Playing hooky

I ditched class again. Oh it feels good to be so bad. Well, it feels good to relax after several nights of severe sneezing and water eyes. Allergies, will you ever leave me alone? But, really, I've missed now a total of 3 classes. Considering my full-time school load, I think that's not too shabby of a record. Two more weeks until the close of the semester. It's hard to believe how quickly this all went by. When I started my blog back in December, the days were crawling by so slowly that I didn't know how I would make it to the summer. But, here I am, and I survived it!

Work has become a drag as I dream of lazy rivers and sunny days ahead. I find myself spacing out, and I think I even got busted surfing the net at work. Mind you, I take about 15 minute lunches and rarely take breaks, so I feel no remorse at taking some time out to check emails and check out the latest Facebook happenings. But really, I am getting more resentful with each passing moment I sit behind that desk. Today was not all lost -- I did get a response to my resume, wowie!

I've been talking a lot to my cute little niece and nephew. A part of me feels a bit of sadness that I missed out on so much of their lives being so far from them. But, I know deep in my heart how miserable of a person I would be if I had never taken the risk of moving out west, which I believe has served an amazing purpose in my life. But, we have been having animated chats about NYC, Philly, and Atlantic City -- all of which will be in close proximity to me in just over a month. My nephew, who is an adventure bug much like his aunt, is enchanted with the idea of exploring new terrain.

I skipped class yesterday as well. Instead I went over the UPS store to get estimates on shipping boxes. I was happily surprised to find out how cheap it would be to mail some of my boxes. My mother suggested to dump everything that won't fit in my car, but I can't bring myself to part with certain things. I then purchased some boxes and proceeded to start packing several more boxes. I piled the heavy boxes into my car and realized how silly it was that I have to hide my moving boxes out of respect for the ex. I knew this needed to be addressed and quickly because I just wouldn't have enough space in my car soon. So last night as we were watching some t.v., and after I yelled at him in annoyance for constantly talking over my show (I mean really, who does that?), he asked me a question that I was not ready for.

Now gentle readers, this might leave the g-rated zone (but only going for PG-13 from here) for several minutes, so if sexual talk makes you feel icky sticky inside, please discontinue reading from hereon. So, he asked me if the reason I don't let him touch me or kiss me anymore is because I just don't like him. I was startled for a moment before I could answer. Because the answer is a resounding, YES, OF COURSE, DUH, HELLO! But, as I looked at him, I couldn't bring myself to say what I was really thinking -- that I am just not sexually into him anymore. That I'd rather say hello to my trusty vibrating dolphin friend than be intimate with him. But, as I looked at him and thought of how much I'd been hurt by insensitive pricks in my late teens and early 20's, I couldn't bring myself to pass on that kind of pain. He doesn't deserve that kind of pain. So, I lied. I lied big time. I told him that it was just too hard with everything that was going on. He told me how relieved he was because he thought I just wasn't into him anymore.

As he breathed a sigh of relief, I stared at a spot on the wall, wondering how to not be a heartless frost queen. The frost queen reared her ugly head against my willpower, and I told him that I thought he was not in touch with the reality that I was really leaving. I told him I needed to pack, and out of respect I wasn't keeping boxes in the apartment, but that it wasn't really a reasonable way to do things. He got dodgy with me and told me my boxes weren't his problem and he just didn't want to see them. After more prodding, we agreed that the boxes would stay in the apartment, but I'd cover them up with a blanket. Sounds like a decent compromise.

My nephew asked me tonight about how I felt about the move. What an intuitive and sensitive fellow he has become. I told him that I felt a mixture of sadness, happiness, excitement, nervousness, but that it really depended on the moment. I told him that I was excited to be much closer to the family, and I hope I get to take that train to Colorado with my nephew as I've promised him.